Love in a fearful land
Wherein Dr. Jeff Nelson tells you how it is. (As promised!)
Dear friends and family,
As promised, I wanted to give you a glimpse of my work. In some ways it is similar to the work I was doing before, but what I am hoping to do is give a picture of the struggles that are unique to a country that is just a generation out from a thirty-six year civil war. Out of respect for my clients, I won’t be sharing their stories, but a snapshot of conversations and observations I have had over the last seven years. Some of this background is from Guatemalan anthropologists, theologians, and cultural liaisons that have helped guide us, as well as Spanish teachers, mechanics, friends, neighbors, and those willing to share a bit about their lives.
One of my first introductions to Guatemala came by way of book recommendations from a dear friend. He recommended Love in a Fearful Land by Henri Nouwen, The Art of Political Murder by Francisco Goldman, and Bitter Fruit by Schlesinger and Kinzer. For me, these were painful but important books that helped to give context to Guatemala’s battle with fear and distrust. Three books cannot sum up the whole of Guatemalan history and who they are as people, but it helped me to imagine what life might have been like here during the civil war. Finding bodies in the streets, family members disappearing, land and homes being taken away, and neighbors selling out neighbors in fear. You can begin to imagine the impact of not being able to trust the people around you, being told to forget the past and move on, and that talking about your past is considered dangerous or weak. This changes how a person thinks of themselves, how they think of others, how they view the world around them, what they believe about God, and definitely how they think of the future. These are ingredients for complex trauma, depression, substance abuse, anxiety, and many broken relationships.
Some of the signs of fear and distrust show up in indirect ways. A friendly greeting may present as kind, but is perceived as coming from a place of duty or self-preservation (—it’s hard to harm someone when they’re being friendly). This is not unreasonable when you haven’t been given many reasons to trust others. Can you trust the government? The most recent election was between a candidate with ties to drug trafficking and the other carried accusations of sexual abuse and murder. Can you trust the police or judicial system? A majority of cases are never prosecuted. Can you trust your father? Some refer to Fathers Day as the day of the dog. Interwoven into this fear and distrust is a layer of Christian legalism and duty summed up in the phrase “sigue adelante”: keep going, move forward, let the past go, etc. If you are not doing this, if you are lacking in joy, struggling with depression or anxiety, you must not be walking with the Lord, you must have sinned to feel this way, or you need to do something to get right with God. Perform more, work harder, be something you perhaps were never meant to be.
If this sounds unhealthy, it’s because it is unhealthy. There is a tremendous amount of pressure to be always on, to always be good, to never admit sins or shortcomings, to talk about what is really going on at home or how our past impacts our present. Admitting these things is equivalent to failure. It means you have fallen down as a Christian. It means you lose your position or are put on probation, or your family is looked upon with shame.
The good news that the grace of Jesus meets us where we ARE, rather than where we’d like to be, shines light into the darkness of fear. That grace calls us forward into a newness of life, knowing that we couldn’t do it all to begin with and we were never meant to. That grace actually changes us. It leads to a healthy intimacy with and dependency on the One who makes all things new.
I will leave you with this. A pastor here once shared with us, “I wake up believing change is possible”. Abbie challenged, “Do you go to bed that way?” He smiled and responded, “Some times”.
Some days and seasons are harder than others, but we remain hopeful and know that God is at work and has called us to something beyond ourselves. This past Tuesday marks three years for us in Guatemala and nearly ten years since Abbie and I started talking seriously about doing this kind of work. We can’t imagine being anywhere else and are so grateful for your partnership with us.
Much love from Guatemala,
Jeff (and Abbie and the girls)
Here they are! Hazel is 6, first grade and a resistant but increasingly competent Spanish speaker. Cora turns 13 in a couple of weeks and is everything we ever hoped an eldest child would be: dependable, mature, kind, worried about everyone. Lucie just turned 10, is in 5th grade, as ever is simultaneously brilliant, hilarious and wicked— we continue to pray that she turns into the architect or scientist she is destined to become, rather than in prison.
Some specific ways you can be praying and giving thanks to the Lord for us:
Our girls are thriving, love the new school and house. Thanks to all of you who prayed for their hearts. They’re making new friends and growing academically. We are finally back in school in person (only a few days a week) but so grateful for that.
Diabetes program has nearly doubled in size. This is a huge blessing— it feels like the program may be providing the majority of available diabetes care to people in the community around the clinic. It’s also overwhelming: I’m not sure we have funds to meet medication or lab demand, and it’s difficult to know who really needs free care (and for whom asking for payment is a real barrier). Pray for wisdom, energy and God’s abundant provision.
Our team is growing: pray for fundraising needs for Chris and Holly as they prepare to come back to resume ministry in the Milpas Altas community.
Jeff’s therapy practice is shifting and growing, pray for wise active listening for him and deep, smooth language fluency.
As ever, pray for funding stability— we continue to raise the funds needed to make the school change sustainable for our kids. We are looking for a new renter for our Portland house (which helps with school tuition) and grateful for the child tax credit, but long-term we need to raise an additional $1500/month to cover tuition.
Praise God for the recent decline in Covid cases. Continue to pray for immunity to grow, for Guatemalans to faithfully lean in to God and his goodness as they face suffering. Pray for the church to be faithful in the ministry of the word and mercy and care for its communities.